Which one can you relate to?
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant
is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground
easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive
anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and
the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
toys.
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then
who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.
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Get the last word in: Apologize.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t
bother you for weeks.
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Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good
for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when
you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they
use to?
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to criticism.
~~~~~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty
cents?
~~~~~~~~~
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac
to make it normal.
~~~~~~~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
~~~~~~~~~
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all
these terrorists — most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on these expired visas, some for
as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
those people are all over you. Let’s put Blockbuster
in charge of immigration.