Stuff That Matters In Life

It’s been almost a week since Chocolate died.

I am wondering why I am taking it so hard. My sadness is surprising to me.

He was technically Audrey’s dog. She had been very responsible in taking care of him since we adopted him from the Humane Society when she was 10 years old and Chocolate was just 6 weeks old. She was his handler in doggie training class while I merely observed on the side. She was the one who held him down when he had to be examined by the vet. (The vet looked at me and said, “I need an adult to hold him down.” I pointed to Audrey, “She can handle him better than me.”) Chocolate slept on her bed with her. I can certainly understand her deep sorrow of losing him.

But me, I didn’t think I loved him.

Whenever Audrey was too busy to take Chocolate out, I complained about having to take care of him. It was a chore rather than a pleasure to walk him. He was often not well behaved, chewing up our stuff animals, digging into the bathroom trash can, and even once in a while have an accident on the carpet.

Yet, now that he is gone, I miss him a lot.

I think I did enjoy his companionship and his little antics more than I realized. It was a nice feeling to have him around when I came home, a familiar face, cute and fuzzy, wagging his tail, anxious for me to pet him.

When you invest yourself into something, someone, a relationship is formed, even if you did not intentionally develop it. Even if it was hard work, even if it were chores and unpleasant duties, the fact that you put in your time and effort inevitably causes a bond to be formed. Even if you had no intentions of developing it, feelings naturally grow.

I makes me think of how it is at my church. I help out with many things at church and it’s a lot of work. Sometimes I complain about it and wonder why I do it. I think since I’ve invested a part of myself in it, unwittingly I’ve grown to love the church and the people we’re with there.

It doesn’t seem to matter whether we enjoy what we are doing or not. A relationship is forged even unintentionally when we merely spend time and effort with someone.

Sigh.

In time, I know the pain and tears will subside. But we will not forget you, Chocolate.