I was talking to my husband about the concept of “relationship with God.”
He said an interesting thing: For most men, admittedly himself, they have difficulty with relationships with people. It’s hard for them to share intimately and to be in touch with and express feelings. If they have trouble with intimate relationships with earthly humans that they can see and touch, how much more difficult it would be for them to have a “relationship” with God?
Men generally express their love through action. My husband is definitely not the touchy-feely kind of person. But I know he loves me because he does whatever I ask, and he never complains. He puts up with me like no one else would because he loves me and he is committed to me.
In the same way, men in their relationship with God is usually based on what they do – give money, drive the church van, carry the heavy loads. They don’t often do well with meditation or being moved to tears during worship service. I don’t mean that they never do. My husband can get emotional, but it is rare. I can be brought to tears at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I feel like literally shaking him to get his emotional reaction to something. He is steady, faithful, and consistent. Does that sound like a bad thing for a relationship? Of course not.
In fact, it is a good thing.
I admit, I do think women have more of a corner on “intimacy” more so than men. We have a sixth sense, a woman’s intuition if you will, for atmosphere, moods, and feelings. It’s just not so natural for most men. Again, there are advantages to that. A man is not ultra sensitive and get all bent out of shape. Their feelings are not hurt easily and they do not make irrational decisions based on feelings. They can maintain very strong relationships while women often fall out of relationships by being hurt.
God made both men and women capable of relationship with Him, but I believe we relate to Him very differently. One is not more or less than another. One need not think it should be one way or another.
Does God know us and our personality? Sure, He is not surprised at anything we throw at Him. He will reveal Himself to us accordingly. Perhaps He will stretch us to relate to Him in ways we are unfamiliar with. My husband may very well need to get a little more emotional in the way he relates to God. And it may well be that I should be less emotional – actually I know for a fact that I should be less driven by my emotions. God is in fact teaching me a lot of that right now through our difficult situation at our church. The truth is, our relationship with God cannot be defined by the way we think a relationship should be. In marriage, that is called having unrealistic expectations, that is the #1 problem in marriages.
There is only one measure of a love relationship that I know of as defined by God: If you love me, you will obey my commandments. Our relationship with God should be defined by our obedience to His Word.
All other elements in our relationship with God is rather optional.