Stuff That Matters In Life

My sister lent me the book Falling Leaves, The Memoir of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter, by Adeline Yen Mah. 

Adeline tells of her life growing up in a prominent Chinese family with wealth, but not love acceptance. (I hesitate to say she lacked love because love could’ve been expressed in ways that she didn’t see. However, acceptance was definitely lacking from her family.)

I don’t like books that are too sad or too painful, so as I do with every book, I skimmed Falling Leaves first, and  read the ending. I decided that it was worth reading through.

Adeline was born in the 30’s and grew up in China. She described going through several significant periods of history in China including WW II, civil war between Nationalist and Communist, the Cultural Revolution, and all the political and economic changes in Hong Kong. It was very informative to see at eye level a bit of Chinese history that my parents most likely went through.

I identified some of the struggle for identity that Adeline went through. Let me clarify, I did not suffer the kind of rejection Adeline did. But I identify with the cultural dynamics of a Chinese family. Looking as an outsider at another Chinese family, I see what my family must look like, to some extent.

The book helped me to understand a bit of my roots, but not in a positive way.  As a Chinese American growing up in White America, I was one of 4 Asians at my elementary school. One was my sister, and the other 2 were a set of brothers. So basically there were 2 Chinese families at my school. I’ve worked hard on not being too “Chinese”.  

Since Adeline’s family exemplified the worst espects of Chinese culture, I understand now what it is about Chinese culture that I dislike – people are valued by the amount of money they have or don’t have, the lack of affection and affirmation from parents, the saving face and putting up a good front, the lack of compassion for the weak and lowly. I detest these values, yet they still occasionally surface in my life and I have work hard at going against these ingrained tendencies.

Adeline was much happier when she immigrated to America. It was her second husband, an American-born Chinese, who gave her the love and support that she lacked from her own family. I too am glad I don’t live in China! 

An easy to read book, very engaging, and I learned something.