On Sunday at church, our speaker Daniel told us of a conversation with a man he had in China. Daniel asked him how he would like to be different in 10 years. The man replied, “I would like to be less selfish.”
That is a tremendously insightful answer.
I hate to be confronted with my selfishness. Just today, I felt angry because I had to go out of my way to do something for someone else. I was not happy about it. I was selfish.
It’s easier to remain selfish if you are single. When you are married, you are constantly being tested to be giving, to serve, to be unselfish.
People want to get married for the obvious reasons of companionship, love, etc., etc. But they don’t realize (I didn’t realize) until a couple of years into the marriage that selfishness is one thing that you have to deal with, or your marriage will not last. If you remain selfish, you will end up divorced, or very, very miserable. You will cause your spouse to be miserable, and you will not be happy being selfish.
People think they can get married, and have a good relationship while remaining basically the same person. They think they can still do what they want, still act the way they want, and insist on “exercising their rights.” But marriage is about merging of 2 separate people into 1. Something’s gotta give. Whatever that suits only you and not the both of you cannot remain. There is no “I”, everything is “we”.
I think it’s very hard for someone who is used to doing their own thing, being in control, and having their own way to be married. I think if you are looking for someone who makes you happy, or you “just want to be happy”, or you think marriage will be “so happy”, don’t get married.
There is no immediate happiness when you have to deal with your selfishness.