My mom was a strong person when she was young. She told us she was athletic, liked to swim, and enjoyed going out. She had a lot of friends in Hong Kong.
When she immigrated to the US, she raised us four kids in Pasadena without knowing the language here, and without the ability to drive.
But in her old age, she would worry a lot and get nervous about little things. We would tell her, “Mom, don’t worry.” It was obvious to us that worrying changes nothing. But telling someone not to worry doesn’t help them to stop. She had mild panic attacks and eventually avoided going out.
Without the advantages of doing research on the internet in those days, we couldn’t explain her condition. Somewhere while talking to a friend, I came across the term agoraphobia – fear of the marketplace. That was exactly what she had.
She was afraid of going out, and felt most comfortable sitting in her recliner at home. When she had to go out, she would shake and could not walk on her own. I found a Christian Cantonese-speaking therapist for her to see and I used to drive her to her weekly appointment. I still remember the name of the therapist – Terina Khoo, in case anyone out there knows her.
The therapist taught my mom coping skills, and helped to face her fears. The therapy sessions did not cure her. I forgot how long she went for counseling, but eventually she stopped going. And she did not get worst.
We used to say that my son was the one who cured her. When he was born, he was her only grandchild that was close enough for her to see. My mom lived just across town from me, so she got to see him often. She would rock him to sleep, sing to him, and he made her laugh.
I don’t know how I got on to talking about my mom when the subject of this post is Stress. What I started out wanting to say is that in my old age, I am less able to deal with stress. I get nervous about things; I worry. People tell me not to worry; I tell myself there’s nothing to worry about. But like my mom, I still worry and get jittery.
I’ve been worried this week.
I am not a detail person, and I’ve had to do a lot of detail things. I’ll be better next week.