Stuff That Matters In Life

Back when I was in grad school some 25 years ago, my friends and I began “typing” each other with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. We would all refer to the book  “Please Understand Me” to try to understand each other’s personalities, but more often to use it to point out each other’s idiosyncrasies.  “Oh, you are such an ‘F’ …!” when one of us is acting emotionally.

Through the years, I’ve often referred back to the book “Please Understand Me” in order to understand people’s behaviors, and to accept them for who they are, especially in accepting my husband.

My husband and I are the best match on paper in every test we’ve taken. We are the perfect match in birth order – he is the oldest with younger sisters, and I am the youngest with an older brother; we have similar family backgrounds and values – both immigrated to the US when we were young (I think I was 7, he was 6) and both our families owned restaurants.

I am an ENFP, the curious “Journalist”. “Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise…”

He is an INTJ, the thoughtful “Scientist”. “Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas…”

The book says the INTJ is attracted to either the “Entertainer” ESFP, or the “Journalist” ENFP. “Lost in his abstract world of hypotheses, he finds anchorage in the person who knows what’s going on in the real world.” The ENFP is “the enthusiastic effervescent, and apparently spontaneous enjoyment and wonderment this type exudes – the very antithesis of the careful, thought exactitude of the INTJ.”

As I see it, he is oblivious to the world and without me, he would be lost, and have no fun in life!

As an ENFP, I am attracted to my husband the INTJ because I need an “anchor” of stability and clear thinking.

Even though we are so well matched, a point of contention we have is this: The ENFP “wants a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support.”

The INTJ is “not a natural appreciator, and part of his problem in the arts of appreciation stems from his reluctance to state the obvious.” I thought it is an Asian male thing. Now add the INTJ to it, no wonder it is so difficult for my husband to give me verbal expressions of love.

So I reread the book “Please Understand Me” often to reassure myself that it is who he is. I can accept him without being too frustrated. At the same time, it hasn’t stopped me still trying to change him 🙂

What type are you?