Stuff That Matters In Life

Today I was conferred the role of grandma.

Today my granddaughter was born. I have a grandson in heaven who was born last year.

I don’t tell people that I feel somewhat sad.

Sad at the passing of a season of life that had been the best years of my life – it was 31 years ago when I was a new mom. I loved being a mom. Looking at my daughter today as a new mom, I wish I were her. I wish I could be breastfeeding and holding the baby all night.

I know I am glamorizing the experience. The sleepless nights were no fun. Cleaning up vomit several times a day was no fun. Worrying and keeping watch over a sick baby was no fun.

But all that built character! I pushed through doing things myself, with my husband alongside. Maybe I should’ve been smarter to at least hire someone to clean the house. But I wanted to be there to do everything. I tell every new mom to not let a nanny or your mother to take the privilege of 2am feedings. You want those struggles, they bond you with your own flesh and blood. I miss those 2am feedings.

I’ve always wanted to be a “homemaker”, and I was proud of being a stay at home mom.

Today, the baton is officially passed on. Sure, I will always be a mom, I know. But now my daughter is the mom. I’m proud of her. She gave birth without an epidural as I did. We got the whole experience! She will continue to cherish many experiences to come, like 2am feedings that she will miss one day.

I suppose I will also have many experiences to cherish as a grandma. That’s what I’ve been told.