Stuff That Matters In Life

Playing Scrabble with my family:

“Is ‘eWorked a word?”

“Well, there’s Elance, eHarmony, email, elope. Sure, eWorked is a word.”

36 points for that new word in the Scrabble dictionary. 🙂

This year I have learned that procrastinating is not worth the pay off from procrastinating.

So why do I procrastinate? What are the payoffs?

– having fun doing other things instead of the thing that I put off doing.

– doing easy things instead of tackling the difficulty of the thing that I am putting off

– waiting as long as possible to leave myself open to be the best alternative that may come later.

– hoping the thing that I’ve put off will get done by someone else.

– hoping that thing that I put off will not need to be done if I waited long enough

– just doing the thing quickly when the deadline approaches

– waiting for more inspiration to do the thing so it can be more enjoyable

– spending time reading and doing other good stuff and neglecting the thing that needs to get done

In the past, I would be fine doing things last minute. I depended on my husband to fill in the gaps as I run around doing things at the last possible moment.

But I found this year that the stress that comes from procrastinating is not worth it.

In my new job with 150 kids and 50+ volunteers under my care, I have to make sure I get things done. The buck stops with me.

Here is an example.

I have not firmed up the plans for Easter. I should have decided by last week at the least so I can be thoroughly prepared. But I kept looking for better options. Now I am feeling stressed. I couldn’t sleep well last night.

So I am deciding today, that I don’t want to procrastinate. It’s not worth it.

I don’t like that feeling of worrying because so many people are depending on me. I don’t like the stress I feel. I don’t want the pressure of running around last minute. I don’t want to under-prepare – I want to have time to be over-prepared.

A big part of leadership is to communicate plans with others so that they can be on board. They need to know where I am going so that they have confidence to follow. I want to be a good leader.

A blessing by Jean Vanier

May all your expectations be frustrated.
May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness
That you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in
the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.

I am an ENFP.

“ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they’re doing.

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.” (italics added to point out the characteristics that particularly apply to me.) From http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html

I am grateful that I am in ministry that allows me a lot of flexibility and to work with people and ideas.

What’s your type?

I needed some mindless reading, and my genre of choice is a good whodunnit mystery.

Remember that old TV show Murder She Wrote? I read one of the books “Domestic Malice”. The writing is not particularly great, but the basic storyline is decent. It’s easy reading, and while it is not a page-turner, it at least kept my interest. The ending had a bit of a twist but nothing very intriguing. Wishing again that Agatha Christie was alive…

“Why do you behave so well in Bible drill but not in worship?” I asked a fifth-grade boy.

“Because I don’t want my mom to get mad at me in Bible drill.” He replied.

Even as adults we are often motivated by external forces without any inner change. We can act good and proper in certain circumstances but when no one’s looking or when it doesn’t matter, our true self comes out.

In the book Dangerous Calling by Paul David Tripp, he says,

We all have to talk ability to expound a passage that lauds God’s grace yet be a husband or father of ungrace in the car on the way home.

You can lead a men’s ministry discussion on the issue of biblical sexual purity and lust at the women at the grocery store on the way home.

You can teach about the self-sacrificing nature of love and be self-centered and unwilling to serve at home.

You and I can define biblical humility but be proud of what we know and what we’ve accomplished.

You and I have the ability to talk of what it means to invest our gifts and strengths in the work of the kingdom of God and then go home and waste countless hours in front of the flat screen….

There is a way in which all of us have a separation in our lives between our more pristine public ministry persona and the more messy details of our private lives. Aspects of this separation will be with us until the Lord returns.

This separation does not necessarily disqualify you from ministry, but it becomes spiritually debilitating to you and your ministry when you become comfortable with it. It is dangerous when you have learned the craft of making the separation work.

Our family members or people close to us should keep us accountable and call us on the carpet when we get too comfortable with the separation. May we continue to repent and not get comfortable with the separation of our public and private persona.

I attended the funeral of Ron D, an 80-year-old very devoted Christian man. I didn’t talk to him much when he was alive, but I sure learned a lot from him today.

One testimony stood out to me. A man said that when he was a young man, Ron told him to read the Bible. “Why would I want to read that crap?” He replied.

Ron said, “If nothing else you can at least say you’ve read it. Many intelligent people have read the Bible.” What a brilliant response!

The man took that challenge and read through the Bible in four months. He found that the Bible had much to say about life. Somewhere along the way, he said, he became a Christian. Today he is a pastor.

I’m inspired to invite people to read the Bible. “If nothing else you can at least say you’ve read it. Many intelligent people have read the Bible.”

My sister is into jewelry. She tries hard getting me interested it in. “You order it and it’s mailed to you in a beautiful box,” she says excitedly.

But honestly, jewelry is not something I get excited about.

What I look forward to in the mail are books! When I order a book from Amazon, I am so excited waiting for it to arrive! And when I see the package, I rip it open, flip through the pages, and start reading the foreword. Now that’s exciting.

My sister and I are very different, you can tell!

I experienced my first Lectio Divina today. I enjoyed the 55 minutes of meditating on one passage of the Bible along with 7 other ladies. It gave me a relaxed time to focus on God and silent prayer. There was no pressure to talk, although I did share my thoughts. And it was good to hear what some of the other ladies were reflecting on. I might’ve fallen asleep if I was meditating by myself for that long, but in a group setting sitting on hard chairs kept me alert.

I usually feel guilty doing something for myself that is not “productive”, but today, I felt very relaxed just sitting and meditating. Maybe it was because I was 25 miles away from home spending time that was specifically scheduled for this. I couldn’t get up to vacuum or read a book or prepare a lesson or check my email. It was time well spent.

This year, I want to be more of a Mary and lead by example. Lectio Divina today definitely took me a step towards that.

The full title is “Since nobody’s perfect… How is good enough?” This is a small booklet that is packed with great stuff, much more than I expected.

“The logic behind good people go to heaven  is seemingly impenetrable on two accounts. First, it is fair. By fair, I mean people who do good deserve good things… Second, it coincides with the notion that there is a good God. If there is a good God, and if he dwells in a good place, then it makes sense that God would fill heaven with good people.”

Stanley goes on to dispel this common ideal that “Good people will go to heaven.”  It explains many well-reasoned points why this concept really isn’t “fair”, as most consider that this notion is a “fair” way to determine who goes to heaven.

What’s the alternative? The answer is not the usual quoting Bible verses. He explains it in a very understandable and palatable way.

I highly recommend little book.

I read this good analogy about God’s love for us and the forgiveness we have in Jesus who died to pay for our sin.

(From “How Good is Good Enough?” by Andy Stanley)

When my children were very young, I bought a used Infiniti. It was the nicest car I have ever owned. It was in mint condition, and I intended to keep it that way. Unfortunately, I was alone in my pursuit.

One Saturday morning, as I was taking out the trash, I noticed something on the hood of my car. I walked over for a closer look and to my utter dismay discovered that someone had scratched an A into the paint. Besides the A were attempts at several other letters.

I was furious. Within seconds my two sons were standing beside me as I demanded to know who scratched up my car. For moment there was silence. Then Garrett, who was five at the time, piped up: “Allie did it.”

Allie, my youngest child and only daughter, was a whopping 3 1/2 years old. I called her out to the garage, pointed to my hood, and said, “Allie, did you do that?”

She sheepishly looked up at me and said, “Yes, sir, daddy.”

What was I going to do? There is no way in the world for me to explain to Allie the significance of what she had done and what it was going to cost me in dollars, time, and hassle to get it fixed. There’s no point in telling her that now I was going to have to take the car to the shop, rent a car, and pay for the rental car as well as the repair. She had no context for understanding any of that.

It would have been equally absurd to demand that Allie pay for the damage. Fair, maybe, but unrealistic. What this two or three hundred dollars mean to a three-year-old? The numbers wouldn’t even register. And where would she get the money?

So what do you do in that kind of situation? Sever the relationship? Demand payment? Rant and rave? Of course not.

I did the only thing I could do for someone I love as much as I loved her. I knelt down and said, “Allie, please do not do that anymore.”

She said, “Yes, sir, daddy.” Then she hugged me and went back inside.

I continue to love her as much as ever. And I pay for the damage she caused. I wasn’t concerned about fairness. It wasn’t appropriate to figure out what  was fair. What was most appropriate with grace and mercy. Even as it meant that I have to pay for what she had done.

God sees your sin as a debt you can’t pay. There’s no point in asking you to. To think that being good will somehow make you square with God would be like Allie promising to clean up her room after being confronted with the damage she had done on my car. Cleaning up her room doesn’t pay me back. It’s a nice gesture, but it doesn’t fix my car.

Going to church brings out the best in me, giving me a false sense of “righteousness.” After all, I am doing good works by helping at church, loving people (at least superficially), and giving money. But those very acts can make me blind to the real sins in my life. Sins of pride, selfishness, worldliness. I begin to feel comfortable desiring the things of the world (don’t I deserve something nice?), I can justify my selfishness (don’t I need to take care of my needs first to be more effective in serving others?), I can ignore my indifference to those in need (someone else is more gifted in helping them).

“How’re you doing?” we ask each other at church. The answer is always, “Ok, fine.”  There’s no real way to force us to examine ourselves and let others give us honest feedback and accountability. Even in small groups we only go so far.

Next time, I’m going to ask someone at church, “What’s God doing in your life?” and see what kind of responses I get.

I have a feeling that when I am on my deathbed, I will regret not taking more risks in doing adventurous things – skydiving, waterskiing, traveling, etc.

Yet, when I consider doing those things now, I say, “Why? Why should I want to get out of my comfort zone? Is there anything to gain other than the thrill of the moment and to say that I’ve done it?”

Would it change the way I live after an adventure? Would it change me? I don’t know. But I can only accept myself and my life for who I am and what it is.

At the end of my life, I may regret many things. But fortunately, by the grace of God, I will have a chance in heaven to truly live. I cannot even imagine what that would be like. All I know is that it’ll be fantastic. So if I miss anything now on earth, I’ll get it in heaven. 🙂

I would say this is a must read for every parent. While I do not agree with everything the author says, Shepherding a Child’s Heart gives very good clear Biblical ways to raise our children. The priniciples are not new to me, but they are articulated well.

One thing I do not agree with is it seems to imply all parenting books are not Biblical unless they state the principle directly from Scripture. I have read many good parenting books that do not quote the Bible verses but the principles are definitely from the Bible.

I also do not agree with some of the discussion about spanking. But overall, the content is the kind of thing I’ve been teaching parents. It’s worth the money if you are a parent.

I have 4-5 books by my bed that I am reading. And I just finished this one.

The Greatest Business Decisions of All Time gives stories of companies such as Zappos, Apple, Ford that made innovative decisions that made a huge positive impact on their company. In hindsight some of their decision was counterintuitive, but later those decisions defined the company.

Many good lessons in this book. It made me want to start my own business and make an impact on the world!

One of those forwards, kind of cute.

I’ve been in 4 car accidents and am very thankful that none were catastrophic.

#1 When I was in college I borrowed a friend’s car to go to an early morning internship. I was rushing to a prime open space in the parking lot and didn’t see a car backing out of a space. It was minor, but I had to pay the guy a couple hundred for the damage. My friend’s car had a slight paint scratch. He was not happy, but he was ok. (It was a yellow Mustang.)

#2 I was pregnant with my first child when a car going straight hit me while I was making a left turn. I thought the road was clear, but he came out of nowhere. I bet he was speeding, but I can’t say, I didn’t even see him coming. His car was totalled, mine was fixable, and we were both ok. I remember telling the policeman that I was concern how this would affect my pregnancy, and he couldn’t tell I was pregnant. I think I was about 4 months pregnant with my son. He turned out fine. 🙂

#3 It was the interchange from Fwy 605 S to the Fwy 10 E. The merging had to be precise. There was quite a bit of traffic and it was difficult to squeeze in to the merge lane. I was looking behind me, and hit the guy in front when he suddenly came to a complete stop. My fault, though I thought he shouldn’t have stopped. You’ve got to keep moving forward slowly in order to make a successful merge. Damage was minor since there was traffic and I was going slow, but the insurance company told me that the guy claimed medical expenses (liar), and that raised my insurance premium for the next few years.

#4 I was on Fwy 10 W going to Cal State LA to see my cousin about selling his mother’s, my aunt’s house. Cruising along at 65 mph, the traffic suddenly came to a stop. The car in front of me hit the car in front of him; I stopped in time and didn’t hit the car in front of me; the car behind me hit me, and the car behind that hit her. So it was a total of a 5 car pile up. I wonder if I was mentioned on the traffic control as the cause of traffic jam. Again, I and everyone was ok. The car was fixed.

I would like to live in a place where people are not in a hurry, thus drivers more courteous. That’s the way it used to be. Road rage was rare; 65 mph on the freeway was considered pretty fast. Now I’m going 70 mph and cars pass me left and right. With that speed, it can be pretty dangerous. I am thankful I’ve survived this long in life!

“Many Christians think stoicism is a good antidote to sensuality. It isn’t. It is hopelessly weak and ineffective. Willpower religion usually fails, and even when it succeeds, it gets glory for the will, not for God. It produces legalists, not lovers. ” (In Our Joy by John Piper, p 35)

“Our natural tendency is to think that if Jesus tells us to do something and makes this a condition for entering the kingdom of God and having eternal life, he will then stand back and merely watch to see if we will do it. We don’t naturally think that if he demands something, he will enable us to do it.” (p 66)

I’m afraid that people often misunderstand that being a Christian is about being good, or at least try to be good. New believers may think that once they accept Jesus, they will now have to obey a set of rules. This is not what Jesus teaches.

Jesus wants us to enjoy life, truly enjoy life, and he knows that without him, we cannot. The stuff of the world that seem to satisfy will always disappoint.

Being a Christian is to get to know our Lord Jesus, and trust him to help us do those things that he teaches us to do that are counterintuitive to our old nature, and in doing so, we get further away from sin and find our ultimate happiness in him.

What are you thankful for this year that you couldn’t say last year?

I am thankful that my son is living closer to home, at least for now.

I am thankful for my new job as children director at a church with many fellow faithful servants.

I am thankful for the memory foam on my new firm bed – SO comfortable!

I am thankful for being able to play tennis again, trying to get into shape.

I am thankful that my husband and I are spending every Monday together, my day off.

I am thankful the automatic door on my van is fixed and functioning properly.

I am thankful for new shutters and curtains.

I am thankful for friends who support me and work with me at church.

I am thankful for the addition of 2 lovebirds to our family – Avocado and Banana.

What are you thankful for this year that you couldn’t say last year?

A simple act of kindness I saw made me realize how weak I am in living up to my value system.

Here’s the scene:

I attend an exercise class at the senior center 3 times a week. The room is packed wall-to-wall with about 80 people, mainly because the price is right – it’s a free community class. Attendees range from age 50-95 – my guesstimate – the average age maybe 65. The instructor is well over 50, maybe closer to 60. It’s a good way for me to start the day with stretches and slow pace aerobics.

Lest you think these are harmless seniors*, the atmosphere actually resembles a junior high school. Everyone jockeys for position in the limited-size room. While it’s suppose to be first-come first-serve, all the regulars have an unspoken reserved spot. Try standing at someone else’s regular spot and you will feel the wrath of a mean stare, whispers behind your back and maybe even a reprimand “This is my spot!”, meaning “Move! And go find a place in the back!”

However, once class starts, your place is secure. Late comers have no claim to their spot, and no one moves a foot to accommodate.

Here’s the few seconds event that powerfully changed the way I think:

We’re 10 minutes into the exercise and in walks a very slow, my guesstimate, 82 year old lady. Her regular spot has been taken and I took a glance around thinking, “Where is she going to fit in?” Now as the reader, before you read further, what are you thinking at this point?

Here’s what happened: Without hesitation, my friend in front of me kindly waved the lady over to take her spot, while she squeezed herself in the back corner.

The incident took less than 10 seconds had me humbled in shame.

Shame on me – not only did I not offer my spot, but that thought didn’t even occur to me – and that’s what bothers me. Had I even struggled with giving up my place, I think I would’ve done what my friend did. I’m probably 30 years younger than this lady, she belonged in the class more than I did, and still I had no thought of giving up my spot.

The fact that I didn’t think of it as a possibility showed me how conditioned I am by my environment. I adopted the mindset of the masses that we must protect our turf, we play by certain rules…and I couldn’t think outside of that.

Now if the teacher had made an announcement and asked if anyone would give up their place, I know for sure I would have done it. What does this say about me? So I keep thinking of this incident and analyzing myself.

I hate it that my actions are determined by the values set by my environment rather than what is right. I couldn’t react outside the box because I was conditioned by my environment. Compassion didn’t come to me naturally if it wasn’t somehow built into the system. And it’s decent people like me that contributes to what’s wrong in the world today.

And it made me once again look to Jesus and love him, because his life was above and beyond what anyone would’ve expected.

He gave up his spot for me, and much more.

*Note: I am exaggerating a little about the seniors. They are really a nice bunch and I’ve made some friends there. But they are possessive of their exercise spot.