Stuff That Matters In Life

I borrowed King’s Cross from the library, but I like it so much I’m going to buy a copy.

Tim Keller is best known for his book Reasons For God, which I love. That book has strengthened my faith and it’s a book that I’ve shared with unbelievers. King’s Cross is another faith building book. It’s basically an exposition of the book of Mark in the Bible, and Keller’s insights into the life of Jesus gave me a deeper understanding of Mark (the book). I’ve never heard Keller speak in person, but now I can understand why he can connect with and speak to the hearts of his congregation in Manhattan.

My favorite chapter is Chapter 11, “The Trap”. It’s about the Rich Young Ruler, a very familiar account. Here is a powerful insight:

“So Jesus is saying to the man in this passage, ‘You have put your faith and trust in your wealth and accomplishments. But the effort is alienating you from God. Right now God is your boss; but God is not your Savior, and here’s how you can see it: I want you to imagine life without money. I want you to imagine all of it gone. No inheritance, no inventory, no servants, no mansions – all of that is gone. All you have is me. Can you live like that?'”

“It’s one thing to have God as a boss, an example, a mentor; but if you want God to be your Savior, you have to replace what you’re already looking to as a savior. Everybody’s got something…If you want to be a Christian, of course you’ll repent of your sins. But after you’ve repented of your sins you’ll have to repent of how you have used the good things in your life to fill the place where God should be…This young man’s problem is not his financial worth; it’s his moral worth. It’s his sense that he doesn’t need the grace of God…”

As I get older, my “savior” or in other words, idol, is modern medicine. Sure I pray when I’m sick, but I am more comforted by a good report from the doctor than I am from trusting God. As good as it is to have good health care available, I am seeing that it’s become a sort of “savior” for us the baby boomer generation.  We find specialist after specialist, surgery and pills, and put our “hope” in the procedure that will solve our problem.

Can we live as Paul says, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”?

You can’t help but be impressed by Daniel, as in Daniel and the Lion’s Den.

His enemies could not find a fault to accuse him. He did everything with integrity and followed the law exactly.

But what should impress us more is the God who enabled him. It’s God who granted him favor, who gave him intelligence, who gave him extraordinary abilities to interpret dreams, who gave him success to rise to the top.

I always ask God to smooth the path before me, because I know if not for him doing everything “behind the scenes”, I can’t do anything.

Thank you God, for putting wonderful people in my life, for partners in the gospel, for making things easy for me so that it makes me look good. But I know it’s not me, it’s You.

I heard John Ortberg speak last week on the topic of the easy yoke. Got an autographed book from him 🙂

He speaks as good as his books, and I like his books.The beginning of his talk was a little slow, but he warmed up and had a lot of insights into the Christian life. I like the way he can quote Dallas Willard, and repeat the quote a few times, without notes. He must use these quotes a lot.

Here are a few things he said that struck a cord with me.

Be careful not to have the service of God get in the way of our life with God. Ministry often reinforces inattentiveness to God.

There’s a difference between training and trying. Training is to arrange my life around those activities that enable me to receive power to do what I am not able to do now by direct effort. We are to train, not try to be like Jesus.

We can do church but that transformation process that Paul [in the Bible] talks about isn’t happening. We settle for pseudo transformation, boundary markers that are superficial ways that serves to distinguish who is inside and who is outside of the people of God, such as the way you dress, the way you talk, etc.

Spirituality wrongly understood or pursued is a major source of frustration and rebellion against God. An example is the Pharisees. They measure spirituality by devotional activities.

Spiritual disciplines are not a measure of someone’s spiritual maturity. It’s a means, not an end.

Spiritual disciplines should not be hard and joyless.

Disciplines are about freedom; they free you to do what you can do.

Authentic transformation is possible if we arrange our lives around those practices Jesus engaged in to receive power and life from the Father.

Grace is not just forgiveness of sins. It’s much more. Grace is God’s power in us to do what we could not. We are meant to run on grace. We are to live on grace.

The greater vision is what already is, who God is. It’s not what we want people to do.

The easy yoke for pastors begins with joy.

Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Hurry is different from being busy.

Ray Ortlund on Sabbath. I like the last 3 sentences.

“If we did set apart one day each week for rejuvenation in God, we would immediately add to every year over seven weeks of vacation.  And not for doing nothing but for worship, for friends, for mercy, for an afternoon nap, for reading and thinking, for lingering around the dinner table and sharing good jokes and tender words and personal prayers.

How else can we find quietness of heart in today’s world?  . . .

I wonder if the very concept of “the weekend” is biblical.  It seems to me that “the weekend” turns Sunday into a second Saturday.  Home Depot may gain, but we lose.  It turns Sunday into a day to catch up on what we didn’t do Saturday or a day to ramp up for what’s ahead on Monday.  It hollows out our whole week, because it marginalizes God and church and sermons and all the other vital things that happen in our lives only when we make the vital things also the central things.  If we accept the concept of “the weekend,” we risk “fitting God in” rather than centering our every week around him.  We risk living soul-exhausted lives, and wondering why God isn’t more real to us, why we’re grumpy.

If we want to find our way back into quietness of heart and reality with God, the first step might be simple.  Bold, but simple.”

This book is very popular, but I have to say, I didn’t love it. It’s probably because I am not the intended audience for this book. The focus is on being more sold out to Christ in response to His love for us. While that is always a good reminder, it’s not where I am in my life where I need to hear that.

There is one thing I didn’t like about the book. Chan says, “My fear in writing the previous chapter [Serving leftovers to a holy God]  is that it only evokes in you fear and guilt.” (pg 101) No matter how much he says that we should act out of love, not guilt, the fact is, when he points out all the things we should do and are not doing, of course the reaction is guilt. I wish he wrote more about God’s love and genuine salvation.

I borrow this book from my pastor. This book is given to new church members – a good basic book, not real exciting, but not boring. The first 1/2 is pretty good. After that it was dragging a bit. It’s a good book to read and use for discipling others. The book gives a good understanding of what the gospel is, not just at the point of “accepting Christ” but the what you should do after “accepting Christ.” It also gives a proper perspective of “church” and what it means to be a member of a church.

I recommend it. It ‘s a small book, but think about it as you read it. Don’t skim it too quickly.

Why is it that all flashbacks to childhood are negative?

It may not be true of everyone but majority of people I know remember the embarrassing moments, the failures, the rejections, the worst of times. Those memories, even back to 3rd grade, still haunt me. This is 40+ years later and I still get a knot inside as I remember how I was made fun of, how I said something stupid in class, and how I came in last place in a race.

It takes conscious effort for me to think of the good stuff. And there were many. But the good are not enough to erase the yucky ones, and in some ways, I am still affected by them. I think Satan uses them to take away my joy in Christ. I should not have to be affected by the past. I should be able to laugh at it.

I am a new creature in Christ, but I am still battling the old self everyday. The upside is that our past is a constant reminder of my need for a Savior who takes away my shame and guilt. I can move on, knowing that Jesus doesn’t care about my past.

As much as I’ve tried to give my children a good life, I’m sure they too, were not spared the bad memories of being rejected and embarrassed.

My hope is that they find their rest in knowing the unconditional love of Jesus, and that in Christ, we can laugh at our past and be at peace.

Another E.L. Konigsbury lend to me by my friend E. And now I see why Konigsbury is one of E’s favorite authors.

Proud Taste for Scarlet and Miniver is something of a historical fiction. I don’t know how accurate it is, but since I don’t know much about the Middle Ages, it doesn’t matter to me. At least it gave me a bit of insight into the aristocracy in those days. Very good reading, I couldn’t put it down.

I just noticed the author also illustrated the book. I’d be happy with just one of the talents.

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsbury is a very fun book to read. I love children books like this. It’s simple yet there is something deep about it. The author understands the heart of a child, and speaks to both adults and children with action, humor, relationship and character developments. The innocence of a child’s perspective towards life is nicely portrayed, and that is something we can all learn from. I like the little twist in the ending.

I am understanding a little more each day about ministry. Even though I’ve had many years of ministry experience as a volunteer, I am just getting to understand ministry as a paid staff.

I thought being a volunteer and staff would be similar. I would still be planning programs, teaching the Bible, helping people, etc. As a volunteer, I took ministry seriously and invested a lot of time, so I figured being staff wouldn’t be that much different except you get paid and you have more responsibilities.

The more responsibilities part is correct, only not in the way I expected. Being staff doesn’t mean I’m just here to do things. The greater responsibility is being responsible for people’s growth. I am learning that my primary “job” is to help people grow in their maturity in Christ. If I ask someone to teach Sunday School, my job is not to make sure they show up to teach. My job is to make sure they are growing to be like Christ.

This is a learning process for me because as a volunteer, I was naturally concerned for those I work with in the church because I chose to work with them and they are my friends. But as staff, I do not choose who I work with. I have to work with everyone. And people look to me to get things done. So I was seeing people not as friends that I am concerned about, but as people to fill in roles. I want to make sure they perform their duties. But that is wrong. My job is to help them grow as they perform their duties, not just to get their work done.

That’s what I learned today.

Thank you, E for lending me this book. I couldn’t put it down and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I liked everything about the book, the intrigue, the fictional dialogue mixed with historical information, learning something about Leonardo da Vinci, and it had a surprise ending, well, it was surprising to me at least. For once, I am going to tell you, don’t read the last page or you’ll spoil the whole story.

I don’t feel like giving a summary. Just read it, it won’t take you more than a couple of hours, it would be time well spent.

Someone asked me if I really love Hello Kitty.

I have a Hello Kitty cell phone cover, Hello Kitty wallet, Hello Kitty key chain, Hello Kitty card holder, Hello Kitty camera pouch, Hello Kitty pen, Hello Kitty tissue pack. And that’s just in my purse.

At home I have a collection of Hello Kitty plushies of various sizes. If I was not lazy I’d post a picture.

So do I really love Hello Kitty?

I love Hello Kitty because loving cute things allow me to relate to kids and young people. It makes me feel younger. Making cute crafts puts me in touch with the people that I love who also love crafts and cute things. It’s a connection point, a conversation starter. Some people talk about sports, or gardening, or food.

I talk Hello Kitty and crafts.

On Sunday I read to the children an incident in the life of Hudson Taylor.

As a way to build his spiritual muscles to depend on God before he went to China as a missionary, Taylor decided to ask God to remind his boss to pay him, rather than Taylor himself reminding his boss, who often was too busy to remember to pay him on time.

Payday came and passed, and still the boss did not remember to pay Taylor. He had no money to pay his rent due the next day. For the sake of his landlady, should Taylor remind his boss?

It would make sense to simply remind his boss. His boss even told Taylor previously to remind him.

Much of our life does not depend on prayer for God to act. We can seemingly do everything on our own to produce the desired results. We do not often find ourselves in situations where we have to just totally depend on God. Our bank accounts have enough cushion, we have health insurance and medical technology, we have friends to call on for help when needed. While all these are blessings, there is hardly any risk when we pray.

Let’s say I have a big test coming up. I pray for God’s help, but of course I also do my due diligence and study as much as I can. My dependence on God is indirect, that He gives me the time and brain to study. That I fully acknowledge. But the grade I get is a result of my efforts, not God supernaturally giving me a grade that I did not deserve. I am not suggesting that we don’t study and test God to give us a good grade.

What I liked about that incident of Hudson Taylor is that the result can only come from God. Taylor wanted to see God move men as a result of prayer. He knew that in China he would have no one to depend on except God. He was not so much testing God as he was testing his own prayer life and dependence on God alone.

And the end of the story is that God came through. Without a reminder from Taylor, the boss remembered to pay him, the very night that his rent was due, not a day early, not even an hour early, and God was not late.

Lately I have seen people volunteering to help with children ministry without me asking. Inspired by Hudson Taylor, I am challenged to pray more for God to move people, and I need to pray more for God to move people to fill particular roles in the children department.

If I was Lazarus, I wouldn’t want Jesus to raise me from the dead.

It is unpleasant at best, and torturous in many circumstances, to die, but to have to die twice…please spare me.

And after Lazarus came back to life, he lived in fear because the authorities wanted to kill him. What kind of life would that be even if you had a second chance at it? And what if dying the second time was more painful than the first?

I am sure there were very good reasons for Jesus to raise Lazarus from the dead. The most obvious one was it brought glory to God. But giving Lazarus a better life was not one of them. I’m sure Lazarus would much rather be in heaven than to have to come back to earth, to be hunted down by Jesus’ enemies, and die again.

Lazarus was brought back to life to fulfill God’s purpose for him. It’s wasn’t for his sake, it was for God’s glory. This leads me to once again be reminded that fulfilling God’s purposes is what life is about. It’s not about me. It’s about God.

I notice that when we have aches and pains, we have an expectation that it can be treated and cured.

We go to the doctor to get a diagnosis and expect the problem to be solved with meds or surgery or therapy or something. When no diagnosis is found – “we don’t know what is causing your pain”, we feel hopeless. It feels scary that we can’t grasp it and solve it.

That’s the way we approach life. We think all problems should be solved.

That’s the way we approach God. We expect him to solve problems. Whenever prayer requests are shared, it’s always a problem to be solved.

How about asking for prayer to endure instead of healing? How about praying for opportunities to do more good works instead of making it easy? How about asking for our character to be built, asking to know God more, or asking for our faults to be revealed so we can repent?

My siblings and I refer to it as the “Choy gene.”

When we lack confidence, when we get complacent, when we feel nervous about upcoming events for no good reason, we say it’s the Choy gene, on my mom’s side.

This gene of pessimism and fear is something I have to consciously overcome. It’s a mental weakness that makes me feel like quitting and shy away from adventure. I can’t handle emergencies and hardship. I have to remind myself: I don’t want to be like that. I can be better. I am not ruled by my genes.

I’ve always wanted to adopt a child. My heart goes out to the children who would grow up without a real family. But for whatever reason, I never quite felt the calling to actually adopt. And I feel like I somehow missed out on something. I always tell people that if I were relive my life, I’d adopt, a cute little black boy with curly hair would be my choice.

Then I heard this verse on Family Life today in a new way.

“Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” James 1:27

I know this verse and that is one of the reasons I wanted to adopt. But when I heard it today, I heard the word “widows” instead of “orphans”.

I missed out on caring for orphans, but today, I realized God has given me a chance to live out that verse with widows.

My widowed mother-in-law lives with us. I would not choose this situation as I would choose to adopt an orphan. But both of those situations require me to show compassion to someone near the heart of God, that to take care of them is pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father. I did not choose it, but it dawned on me today the graciousness of God in giving me this opportunity.

Widows in Bible times have no means of support without a husband. But in our society today, widows are not destitute. I never thought of them as needy as orphans are needy. After all, they are adults, they’ve lived a long life, they are not vulnerable (nor cute) like children. But as I am now also seeing my widowed father declining in his health, I see the loneliness and struggles that widows and widowers experience, much like orphans.

I wanted to take care of orphans, but God knew that the test of my religion is in taking care of widows. I am learning to live out this verse.

I wish I can remember more clearly some of those precious times – going to Disneyland for the first time when I was about 8 or 9, my wedding day, my children’s first steps, closing my first real estate transaction.

But I’m glad that God did not give us a perfect memory.

I don’t remember my mother’s funeral. I don’t remember my car accident. I don’t remember the miscarriage of my first child. I try to bring up the pain, but I can’t.

It’s a good thing I don’t remember.

As for not being able to remember those good times – we should just go out and have a good time instead of reliving old ones.

Perhaps it’s mid-life crisis, perhaps it’s changing hormones, perhaps it’s watching and caring for my father journeying what is likely his final round in life.

I’ve been thinking that if I were to die, there isn’t anything that I am doing where I cannot be replaced. Yes, friends may miss me and my unique personality, but they will go on and still live a wonderful life without me. My family will definitely miss me, but again, I am not so unique that something will fall apart if I’m not there. Someone else will cook, someone else will give my children advice, someone else will probably do a better job of cleaning the house. Someone else will teach Sunday School, run the children ministry; someone else will keep the world going.

Do I have a unique purpose that only I can fill?

My conclusion is, no.

God gives me a purpose for me to live out, but if I don’t live it out, God’s work will still be done, through someone else. His will can never be thwarted based on people’s obedience or disobedience.

And if I were to die today, the hole that I left will be covered by God’s sovereign plan.

While I felt a bit depress by these thoughts, that I am really quite useless, my daughter reminds me that there can be no other way. With people dying every second, the world will fall apart if people were so unique in their function that they are irreplacable. That makes sense! God made it in a way that we are all replacable and life can continue without too much disruption in the circle of life.

But what does it mean for me? How should I live? How do I feel some sense of significance?

My conclusion is, I do the best I can wherever I am as God requires of me. I will find fulfillment in living for God each day. Not that I am indispensable in the world at large, nor am I unique in the entire scheme of the universe, but that in God’s eyes, how I live is unique to Him and to me.

My pastor says that both his mother and mother-in-law, in their late 80’s have said that having a long life is not such a blessing. Living alone and missing their deceased husbands, they are ready to meet the Lord.

Yet, with the availability of modern medicine, something so basic such as hydration with an IV can keep an elderly on earth longer than they want to.  I do not believe in euthanasia where you take an active part to end a life, but there comes a point when intrusion in the course of nature really is not  a compassionate act.

I wonder what I would want if I live into the 80’s. I am praying that I die in my sleep…morbid thought but you’d be lying if you say you’ve never had a similar thought.