Stuff That Matters In Life

Our life consists of what we do. The sum total of our life is what we do with our time.

That doesn’t mean we must be busy to have a meaningful life. How we spend our time is hopefully intentional, or at least somewhat intentionally meaningful towards what you want your life to be.

I’ve not been intentional with my time in a day to day way. I know what I want out of life in general, but what I do day to day does not always contribute to that. I think that’s how people generally live life. By God’s grace and sovereign hand, I’ve had a really good life with everything I’ve always wanted.

Yesterday was full of activities. Deacons meeting in the morning, came home for lunch, then on to my son and daughter-in-law’s baby shower. I’ve spent the last week making 6 small diaper cakes for centerpieces. Did last minute cake toppers which I thought turned out really well…but I don’t think anyone noticed them!

Then our fam went out to dinner. Thought I was going to go home to read and relax after that. But one of my favorite young couples gave birth to their first baby girl. This was quite a miracle baby, so we went after dinner to see them and their 5 hour old little girl. It was such a precious time. Got to the hospital at 9pm. When we came home, it was time for bed, get ready for church the next day.

Today, Sunday, I thought I would skip an optional meeting and leave church early. But as usual I hung around to talk to people. Ate lunch at 1:30pm, then went to meet up with a friend to pray together, particularly for my upcoming STM. She is a wonderful prayer partner.

Restuffed my pillow – been wanting to do that for the last month, dinner, wash dishes, and the day is over!

The weekend was full of activities. Is my life meaningful? Did everything I do contribute to a meaningful life? I am not sure, but there’s nothing that I would cut out if I had to do it over again…well, maybe cut out 1/2 of the deacon’s meeting would’ve been nice. I am quite satisfied with my life.

I am nervous about going to Taiwan STM. If it was a vacation I would still be nervous. The details – did I forget anything, etc. weighs on my heart. But then I remind myself – I don’t have to worry, my husband takes care of everything. My God is in control. And it’s my 4th time there. Taiwan is not in the jungles. Whatever I need I can buy there. Cheaper too. And a friend at church will be there at the same time and offered to take us around. I have only 1.5 days of free time, so maybe I can see her on that .5 day.

I feel so useful when people ask me for things. This morning, I got a request for popsicle sticks by the 7th/8th grade SS teacher, and hula hoops for International Students Ministry. Last Sunday, someone wanted to borrow a few nursery toys as props for filming a segment on abortion for a Chinese Christian Youtube channel.

If I wasn’t here, who would they ask? Who knows these things besides me? I think the Children’s Director position knows more about people and things at church more than anyone. I work with people across all ages and congregations. I know where supplies are.

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Had a bad dream last night where I missed out on something fun with my siblings because I couldn’t find them in the mall. I felt very frustrated. Woke up really anxious. I get this way before traveling anywhere. I’ll be going to Taiwan STM next week, so that explains it.

Evening run to Costco and Trader Joe’s to buy gifts for Taiwan friends. It’s the first time I’m bringing gifts for more than the Pastor. I guess it means I’ve built up relationships with more people over the last 4 years of going there.

Sunday – The sermon today described a passion as something you are willing to suffer for. To love God and people passionately is not like a hobby – something you enjoy. To love God passionately means we give up other things – idols – in order to pursue Him.

I am constantly fighting idols that get in the way of pursuing God with passion. I want the power of the resurrection, but I know little of the fellowship of his suffering.

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Sunday fun: got to attend worship service the entire time from beginning to end! And I was able to concentrate, focused on God during singing (easier since they sang the hymns I like and the strings were good), engaged with the sermon that inspired me to love God.

Then members reception. It’s a joy to see people committing to God and His church. Especially enjoyable that I get to show up without an assignment.

Christine’s bridal shower, and immediately on to Joe’s 60th birthday. I told him I chose his party over a 1-year-old’s party because we don’t know how many more he has left hahaha!

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Monday – Celebrated Amy’s birthday today with dinner in Irvine! Fun times. As they say, the days are slow when they are growing up, but the years are fast. Nowadays even the days are fast.

I was hoping to get more done today on my day off. Didn’t get to read or spend more time in prayer. I did make the diaper cake that I’ve been looking forward to doing. Two trips to Michaels to get the ribbon. Nice lady told me I can use the coupon more than once, which really helped.

On being distracted to something else instead of reading the Word – “I go into the other activity with the firm resolve that I will somehow spend time with the Lord, which is the most important thing I do each day.” (Jesus Driven Ministry by Ajith Fernando)  – I make this resolve.

I think we officially decided I will go by Popo.

My daughter called my mom Popo. It sounds right that the title should be used by my granddaughter to now call me Popo.

Since it’s the last Friday of the month, we don’t have Awana, I have the evening free. We decided to visit baby Emi. I am hesitant to make that 1+ hour drive to WLA in the evening for just a couple of hours visit. And she’ll just be sleeping!

But my daughter reminded me that people commute that, and worst, everyday! I commute 3 miles, 8 minutes to work. I’m so glad not to live that LA commuter life. With that insight from my daughter, I will consider going out there more.

Actually I go there not so much for Emi as for my daughter. I want to support her as a first time mom. I warn her about postpartum depression and to keep connected with people. I want to be there for her. Emi just sleeps. I held her while she slept, which probably threw her off her cycle. That feeling of holding an infant just can’t be described.

Everything I know about God I learned from my kids. I imagine God holding me, loving me, even when I do nothing that would count as pleasing him. Infant children can do nothing to incite feelings of love, yet I love them. I have to go through pain and literally give up my body for them, day and night, yet why am I not bitter about it? A parent’s love for their children is irrational. We love just because they belong to us. God’s love for us is irrational. He loves us because we belong to him.

My favorite fiction author is Agatha Christie. Josephine Tey is not going to take her place, but offers me a source of entertainment since I’ve read everything written by Christie including those under her pen name Mary Westmacott.

A murder mystery is all about the ending and resolution. This one is not completely satisfying, the murderer came out of nowhere. Agatha Christie always gave some hints in order for the reader to think we can figure it out, even though we never succeed because of twists and turns. That’s a good murder mystery.

This one is ok. I did pique my interest enough to stay up reading it. I would read another one by Tey if I can find it in the library. I bought this one from Thriftbooks, and will now donate it to Goodwill.

That counts as 2 books read in August.

I learn a lot by other’s example and how they handle situations. Those are great sources of wisdom.

At Awana last night a parent got very angry and left in a huff. It was nothing we did; she seemed to have come in with a chip on her shoulder. I wasn’t there when it happened, but if I were, I imagined I would’ve been happy to let her go. We have a waiting list of kids who want to join Awana, and if she is going to make trouble, we don’t need her! That would be my flesh speaking.

But RT handled it in a much more God honoring way. She went after this woman, was waved off by the woman that she doesn’t want to talk to her. Then RT chased the woman to her car while she was driving off. RT sought understanding and do as much as possible on her end to show love to this woman.

After a short conversation, the woman drove off. The rest is up to God.

I believe God was pleased with the way RT handled that situation, much more than what I would’ve done!

I learn from RT’s example to have more passion for God’s honor. Do our utmost to defend His Church. Don’t let Satan have an opportunity to give God a bad name. Even when it’s not something we did, we must take it upon ourselves to make every effort to turn negative impressions of the Church to the love of Christ seen in us. This is a practical application of being the embodiment of the Christ himself.

My son married after a relatively short dating period.

I asked him if he wanted more time to go out on dates and have fun as a couple.

He said, “Isn’t it better to date after marriage?”

He’s right. And they are having fun dates now. I’m proud of him that he treats his wife well.

Now I give this advice to dating couples. Don’t worry about having fun on dates. Don’t try to impress each other. Be very intentional to find out if you are compatible for marriage. Explore every topic. If you’re right for each other, get marry. Then try to impress each other with your best self, go on fun dates.

I learn from my son that dating after marriage, rather than before, is the right order in a relationship.

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A day of meetings today, but all good. Funny, yet not so funny, that we spent an hour last week and an hour today talking about the tradition of the servant appreciation lunch. Glad we came to a decision to cancel it for next year because the meaning has been lost.

Traditions tend to be that way. It reflects the culture of the people who started it. It had context with circumstances that made it meaningful. But the demographics of people has change, circumstances has changed. Unless the tradition continues to carry significance, then it is just a nice activity. There are many nice activities in a church. Some people just want nice activities and are emotionally attached to them. A church should only do the things that contributes to it’s gospel focus, not for some sentimental purpose to recreate what was significant in the past. Those people will be disappointed and will complain that their best effort is not what it used to be.

We need to be discerning that even some small groups or other sacred sounding activity that carry the name of being gospel-centered might have evolved to be another nice activity. I believe in stopping and starting new things because the cycle of stopping and starting fresh promotes church renewal and keeps it from being stuck in the past. My former church was stuck and couldn’t change. I sadly had to leave it.

I was planning to attend worship service today but I didn’t make it.

I ended up talking to people because I needed to and wanted to catch up with them. I’ve been told that you need to take a number to talk to me on Sundays. I’ve literally had people waiting in line to talk to me – I mean not all the time, maybe twice. Fortunately not often, I don’t want people to think of me like that.

I haven’t been to worship for a while. So today after checking in with the children, I started making my way to worship service via the bathroom first. Ended up talking to a mom about an issue, which was good. Then just a few feet from the worship room, I caught up with someone about things, which was good. By that time, I didn’t want to go in after the sermon already started. I might as well talk to other people. Thought I could catch the last part of Children Worship at least, but ended up talking to someone outside the room.

I felt edified by all the conversations. I did not “attend worship service”, but I enjoyed the presence of God in God’s people. I don’t think this should be a regular habit. That would just be socializing. And I do miss just sitting for worship.

I just can’t seem to do that at my own church! Is this just an occupational hazard?

Today I was conferred the role of grandma.

Today my granddaughter was born. I have a grandson in heaven who was born last year.

I don’t tell people that I feel somewhat sad.

Sad at the passing of a season of life that had been the best years of my life – it was 31 years ago when I was a new mom. I loved being a mom. Looking at my daughter today as a new mom, I wish I were her. I wish I could be breastfeeding and holding the baby all night.

I know I am glamorizing the experience. The sleepless nights were no fun. Cleaning up vomit several times a day was no fun. Worrying and keeping watch over a sick baby was no fun.

But all that built character! I pushed through doing things myself, with my husband alongside. Maybe I should’ve been smarter to at least hire someone to clean the house. But I wanted to be there to do everything. I tell every new mom to not let a nanny or your mother to take the privilege of 2am feedings. You want those struggles, they bond you with your own flesh and blood. I miss those 2am feedings.

I’ve always wanted to be a “homemaker”, and I was proud of being a stay at home mom.

Today, the baton is officially passed on. Sure, I will always be a mom, I know. But now my daughter is the mom. I’m proud of her. She gave birth without an epidural as I did. We got the whole experience! She will continue to cherish many experiences to come, like 2am feedings that she will miss one day.

I suppose I will also have many experiences to cherish as a grandma. That’s what I’ve been told.

Had a conversation yesterday to explain to someone why we don’t have a certain event anymore.

It’s hard to explain to people why we change things at church.

All the things we did in the past are good. So why change? Why eliminate it?

I’m writing this out so I can clarify in my own mind the vision we are trying to achieve.

The kind of culture we want to build is based on our vision of Biblical, Intergenerational, Missional (BIM).

The kind of culture currently in our church that we want to eliminate is – program focused (plan an event that requires a lot of manpower and they will come), silo mentality (you do your thing with your people, I’ll do mine with my people), and consumer attitude (the thing is good if we like it and benefits us).

Not only does a pathway have to be crafted for the vision to have practical onramps for people to live the vision, but the mindset has to shift to WANT to be on that pathway and the willingness to change the things that contribute to the current culture (“Everything was good before, why are we changing things? How is the new way any better?”).

I don’t even know what it all entails to make this happen. We are working on it one step at a time. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like we are getting anywhere.

If we evaluate a single program – is it glorifying God and accomplishing something good? – the answer can always be justified to be a yes.

We must ask – is it on the pathway of being BIM? Is it contributing to the mindset of the current culture that needs to change?

We want to replace program focused with programs that are vision and relationship focused; replace silo mentality with collaboration. We are are vision and relationship focused and approach everything with humble collaboration, then the consumer attitude will change.

As I write this, I’m not even sure if my thinking is correct. I think of basic Body life of a church, of the first century church, of what Jesus said how the Body functions and what Church is to be.

Sometimes it seems like church has gotten too complicated. I’m not smart enough.

8-11-2019 Sunday. Had a rough day giving the children’s message. One of the children with autism was screaming for a long time. I was so distracted I don’t think I gave a good message. I trust God knows and I’ll let it go with that.

We had a very good STM prep with a prayer walk around the market and church. It was very encouraging, we should do more prayer walks. One comment during our debrief – prayer walks is focused on praying missionally, not something we do often when we have our regular daily prayers.

8-12-2019 Monday. Din Tai Fung (I’ve forgotten how expensive it is), Huntington Library (cleaner air from all the greenery).

I don’t often have to drive alone when I go more than about 5 miles. Any ventures more than that I usually have company ie my husband or carpool with a friend. Today I drove to Pasadena by myself to spend a few hours with my daughter.

I understand now why my mom used to say it’s too much trouble to go places. I am at that age now when I do feel that, even a 30 mile drive to Pasadena wasn’t a big hassle, but it was a notch over nothing. Going to Taiwan is a couple more notches over nothing.

But it was worth it.

Aaron gave me this book a while back. It’s been on the stack by my bed. Finally finished reading it. This is my August read, one book a month.

I really liked the first chapter explaining what true worship means. Then when it got to the details, it was too much detail. The last chapter reminded me of what I’m living for – eternity with Christ, worshipping him unhindered. I feel excited, I’m ready to go there now!

Most books drag in the middle, as this one did. I am a slow reader, so getting through the middle of the book was a challenge, but I learned a lot.

One takeaway: If it is true that everything we have, we received from God, then our ability to worship comes from God. We have to learn to receive from God. It’s not by our own efforts to worship.

8-5-19 Monday. Still hate the LA traffic, visiting Audrey. Almost the same distance to Irvine to visit Elliot, but much more pleasant for me, suburban living in Irvine is more my comfort. Audrey is so close yet so far.

8-6-19 Tuesday. I’m an external processor and I like being in meetings with others like me who can talk things out and talk fast. How long do you have to wait for internal processors to express their opinions? I really want to know your thoughts, but can you please just spit it out faster? I should be used to this since everyone in my family are internal processors. But I know their heart and pretty much know what they would say. They also feel more free to express themselves. In a church setting, I guess the internal processors are more careful and take longer to internally process.

8-7-19 Wednesday. My physical therapy appointment today showed a lot of progress on my right gluts. My legs are much better now. I asked my PT to teach me to walk properly because more than one person has said I walk funny. His diagnoses is I don’t swing my arms. My back is stiff and not moving my hips thus not distributing my weight. If you see me walking with exaggerated swinging arms, you’ll know I’m doing what my PT told me to do. Audrey’s date due, no baby yet.

8-8-19 Thursday. Productive day – prepared my sermon for Sunday, connected with someone to solve a problem. Building relationships with people is the first and most important step in ministry. And the most satisfying. Didn’t swim today. I have UTI symptoms.

8-9-19 Friday. My last free Friday before Awana starts next Friday. Got stuff ready for Sunday. Set up a couple of brief meet ups on Sunday with new volunteers. Hope I don’t forget to be there as I did last week. I wrote myself a note. I didn’t feel well, went to sleep at 9:30pm.

8-10-19 Saturday. Went line dancing at church, it was fun, mostly for exercising and meeting new people. I have no rhythm, but I don’t feel too bad. Some of those ladies have been going to 2-3 classes per week for the last 6 years! They know all the moves. Great exercise physically and mentally for seniors, like me. The teacher is almost 80, she looks great! Got my hair cut after line dancing, in preparation for Taiwan STM. Barn door installation almost… almost…so close…but not done. The handle is defective and one part is put on the wrong way.

God answered a prayer, not a life and death prayer, but God is gracious to his children when we ask even little things. We bought the barn door handle a couple of months ago. To get ready for the installation today, we tried to find that handle. We looked for 2 days, covering all likely and unlikely places where we would store it.

I asked my husband, “Do you believe God can help us find it if He wanted to? Should we pray?” So we prayed. We looked.

We still couldn’t find it as of this morning when the installer came.

Then lo and behold, my husband looked again and found it at the last minute!

Hahaha, so funny the way God answered that prayer. And the handle is defective, haha. Maybe that’s why God didn’t want it to find it. Now we will have to buy another one anyway. So funny.

I don’t usually like to pray for trivial things. Makes me feel like a spoiled kid asking a transcendent God for a small thing. If I can’t find it, I’ll just have to buy another.

Yet, not asking means I am living life on my own, apart from my heavenly father. I would my earthly father to help me find a lost item, why don’t I ask my heavenly Father?

Prayer is about relationship, a daily encounter with God our Father, our Friend, our Savior.

I was too ambitious. I stacked a lot of meetings today. Forgot to go to one of them. Postponed the last one.

Today was promotion Sunday, so lots of questions of where kids go, one child with special needs had a melt-down.

While these situations may or may not demand my personal attention, I feel responsible for all of them. So I felt distracted and forget things.

I was suppose to give an brief orientation to 2 young adults helping with Mandarin translation. I totally forgot. But it was fine, the other teachers handled it.

The good thing is, I attended to couple of first time visitors. One just moved from Fresno to Chino Hills. One from China who just came to US after 2 years in the Philippines.

Awana meeting, then literally ran down to meet up with missionaries, took them to attend Mission Board meeting to update their ministry. They are our partners for our Taiwan STM, in town today. It was great that the rest of the team got to meet them. I ate my lunch at 2pm during the MB meeting. I noticed Gabe was eating too.

I planned on our team doing a prayer walk after this, but everyone was tired, and it was hot…so we will postpone to next week.

All is well. The world doesn’t fall apart when things don’t go exactly right. PTL!

Yesterday’s children’s outreach:

Good: Pioneering a children’s event at Ybarra instead of at church

Not so good: The AC wasn’t working until after lunch. Even I, who barely sweat in Taiwan humidity, was getting moist.

Good: No one complained. And when the AC finally came on, we really appreciated it.

Not so good: The speakers rushed to get here immediately coming off the airplane, after a vacation in Hawaii.

Good: They made it!

Not so good: They were late!

Good: Adeline did a fabulous job leading games and reading a story to fill in until they got here.

Not so good: By the time the teaching began, it seemed like the day was already over! We already played games, had snacks, and heard a missionary story.

Good: The speakers had energy, the kids were responsive.

Not so good: It was a long day, no matter how fun it is. It was hard to maintain the mental engagement.

Good: All the helpers were great. Feedback was they wanted more time in small group with the kids.

Not so good: A parent just emailed me that her daughter got hurt and she wasn’t told.

Good: I don’t know how I will reply yet, but I can trust God to smooth things out. He will have the victory.

Good: I enjoyed the whole day. Was able to relax and talk to other “older” helpers while most of the running around was done by the youth and younger people.

Good: Had a couple bites of Costco cheese pizza which I never eat. It was so good!

Good: Got some roast duck from the chinese retreat dinner.

Good: I had enough energy and the desire to go back to church to hang out with the preschool team for a short time after dinner. The preschoolers were having so much fun.

Good: Thankful I live less than 10 minutes from church so I can go back and forth.

Good: Went to sleep relatively early at 10:45pm.

I had lunch with someone who will be going to college. I’ve known her since 5th grade and I wanted to have an “adult” meet up before she starts school. Seeing her excitement for what’s ahead made me appreciate my own journey through the years of college.

God has been so faithful to me, steering me towards Him. It would’ve been so easy for me to fall away. I could’ve been easily tempted to follow the world. But God gave me fear – fear of God and the judgement to come is a good thing. I did not dare stray too far. By the grace of God I am walking with him.

Hurt my achilles tendon by over extending and over stretching. That doesn’t pay to exercise!

I promised I will not be defined by my age, my aches and pains. So I am going to approach Saturday’s children outreach with the joy of anticipation of a fantastic event!

I am thankful for the priority our staff puts on personal spiritual life. On the 5th Tuesday of the month we are told to take a spiritual retreat day.

I spent half my day at home reading and half my day at my favorite retreat place – Mariners church in Irvine. There is hardly anyone there on a weekday, but a few people to keep it from feeling deserted.

I am inspired by my daughter to keep my brain active by memorizing verses, starting with John 14. You can’t go wrong memorizing the words of Jesus. And it’s a little easier because I already know parts of it.

So far I am really enjoying the process, taking the time to read it over and over, forcing me to meditate on the meaning. I decided I am not going to pressure myself to get every single word in the right order. In the past I gave up memorizing because I got tired of getting every single article in the right place.  This time I will not keep going back to get it exactly right. A few words wrong here and there is acceptable margin of error.

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So thankful for the team serving together on Saturday’s children’s outreach. Their attention to detail is beyond my imagination.

I’ve planned many VBSs in my lifetime. I was younger, more energy, had more bandwidth to attend to the details. But even then, I didn’t do that well with details. I always did the big picture planning. Now I just hate too much detail; makes me confused and anxious, leading to poor decision making.

I am true to my ENFP MB type – “Under great stress, ENFPs may become overwhelmed by detail and lose their normal perspective and sense of options.”

But I get the job done, all by God’s grace. And isn’t that just how life is? In our weakness He is strong.

This sauce is good with Mexican or Mediterranean inspired dishes.

Here are the ingredients. Blend it all together till smooth. It’s a thin sauce to be drizzled over the meat or veggies (think shredded cabbage, cucumbers and tomatoes).

Greek yogurt, plain, I use full fat yogurt

Garlic – to taste

Green onion – as much as you want

Cilantro – more the better, I love cilantro

Lime juice about 1-2 tablespoons to taste

Salt, as needed, I didn’t need it

In an effort to daily post about my day in 2019, seems like posting a day behind is becoming the pattern.

So yesterday, we went to eat Malaysian food in Anaheim – got a Groupon for it. Amy also has Mondays off work. Usually she has her own plans, but she had no plans and joined us.

I’ve been on the lookout for suitable for Monday outings on my day off. I don’t think I’ll do that Malaysian restaurant again – too spicy for me. My default outing would be Huntington Library since I have an annual pass.

Making use of Amy’s annual pass parking at Disneyland, we went to Downtown Disney after lunch. Even just being in the parking lot of Disney was magical haha! I remember the tram ride used to have a recorded message with Disney music background, saying the perfunctory “keep safe, enjoy your stay, etc.” I liked it, but this tram ride was silent. New security check system was efficient but a sad commentary of the state of things nowadays. In the ol’ days…security checks at amusement parks was unheard of.

Came home, went swimming, watched half of Christopher Robin on Nexflix over dinner. I made a pretty good shrimp “taco” dish for dinner – without the shell, with a yogurt lime sauce. I would make it again.

After much deliberation for the last several weeks, I decided to go to the young adult retreat for one day.

Funny thing is, I carpooled with Jedda; four years ago we carpooled to the women’s retreat to the same place. And on the way back, I drove Joyce home, which was what I did at the women’s retreat as well. I guess it was meant to be.

“Why are you here?” I was asked more than once. It was a genuine question, not implying that I was unwelcome. I’m not a young adult, nor am I the group’s official mentor.

I went for 2 reasons. I want to get away and listen to the speaker, whom I heard was good. When I was on Sabbatical last year, I really enjoyed attending worship at various churches. I just want to sit under some good preaching at this retreat.

I also wanted to get to know the young people. I was the teacher/leader of the young adults in my former church. I still keep in touch with many of them. I miss being with that age. My children are now in that age range, so by getting to know other young adults, I can understand my own children more.

I found that unless I had a role there, ie counselor, or mentor, or teacher, people will not automatically come to talk to me. They go up to talk to the speaker, because he had a role, they know what he is there for.  Even the young adults who know me didn’t come talk to me when they see me by myself, with the exception of maybe 4 people. It didn’t hurt my feelings, just an observation.

I had no hesitation making conversation with people. In fact, I talked to a young man I know is a PT and got some free advice 🙂 We don’t know each other well, so it was good to be there to hear what he’s doing now. At the same time, it seemed pointless to catch up, because I probably won’t interact with him again.

One of the girls asked me for some advice. I got to know her more.

Overall, I have no regrets of going. I probably would’ve regretted if I didn’t go. I always choose the fun option, afraid that I would miss out on something good.

I enjoyed the preaching too. I appreciated his way of engaging with young adults. His applications are not relevant to me, but the Word of God is always relevant. It’s always good to grow deeper in our understanding of our identity in Christ and how that affects us daily. When I reread my notes today, it made sense.

This retreat gave me a shared experience with the young adults, and with my daughter. It’s a springboard to further connections, hopefully build on those relationships.